EU individual paragraph

Brainstorming

Why is 2013 the European Year of Citizens? --> mention 20th anniversary

Maastricht Treaty ---> why is it important? What was invented? Was it a big change for the people?

Mention EYCA --> what is their aim? Mention new law proposals!

What does the European Year of Citizens stand for? --> one big EU community, interests of citizens, European citizen need to be aware of the regulations they can benefit from, the meaning of being in the EU

2013 - The European Year of Citizens

When looking back at the year 2013 people will mostly reflect on what they have experienced in the past months. However, 2013 bears a relevant meaning in connection to the EU as well. The year 2013 is named “The European Year of Citizen” and thus is significant for the citizens of the European member countries. The reason behind this title is first and foremost the 20^th anniversary of the European community which was established through the Maastricht Treaty. This treaty led to the foundation of the Euro and introduced new regulations for the EU concering policies and, of course, citizenship. This particular treaty made traveling and living abroad and many other affairs for EU citizens easier. On that account this year’s focus of interest lies on civil rights and many organisations such as the EYCA (European Year of Citizen Alliance) are zealously making an effort to convey the meaning of being a European citizen to the people. One of their aims is to make people aware of the many ways they can benefit from the EU. They also want to put forward many new law proposals for the citizens’ interest. In the end it is very important for us to use these great opportunities that the EU offers.  

Feedback summary 1

• Topic sentence should connect to the topic --> Mention the EU in the topic sentence already
• Replace "However" because you want to say that it was an important year for the EU as well.
  However suggests right the opposite!
• Connect the second and third sentence: "2013 bears a relevant meaning....as it was named...thus is significant"
• After "On that account" --> comma!!
• "...to convey the meaning of being a European citizen to the people." --> replace "to the people" with to the outside world --> much broader
• Register: write "several new law proposals" instead of "many new law proposals" as it is higher register
• "In the end" doesn't suggest a conclusion sentence.
  Write: "To sum up, ... " 

rewritten paragraph

The year 2013 bears a relevant meaning in connection to the EU as it was named “The European Year of Citizen”. As the name suggests, this year is very significant for the citizens of the European member countries. The reason behind this title is first and foremost the 20^th anniversary of the European community as it was established through the Maastricht Treaty. This treaty led to the foundation of the Euro as well as new regulations for the EU concering policies and, of course, citizenship. This particular treaty made traveling and living abroad and many other affairs for EU citizens easier. On that account, this year's focus of interest lies on civil rights and many organisations such as the EYCA (European Year of Citizen Alliance) are zealously making an effort to convey the meaning of being a European citizen to the population. One of the EYCA's aims is to make people aware of the many ways they can benefit from the EU. The organisation also wants to put forward several new law proposals for the citizens’ interest. To sum up, it is very important for us to use these great opportunities that the EU offers.  

Feedback summary 2 

• Watch out! --> "an" European citizen
• Conclusion sentence:  doesn't sum up! Mention the whole idea of the EYOC, then you can mention it is important for us to use the opportunities as we are EU citizens
• Still too many "many"s --> replace with great deal of
• in connection WITH the EU
• foundation--> introduction
• concering --> concerning

Final version

The year 2013 bears a relevant meaning in connection to the EU as it was named “The European Year of Citizen”. As the name suggests, this year is very significant for the citizens of the European member countries. The reason behind this title is first and foremost the 20^th anniversary of the European community as it was established through the Maastricht Treaty. This treaty led to the  introduction of the Euro as well as new regulations for the EU concerning policies and, of course, citizenship. This particular treaty made traveling and living abroad and a great deal of other affairs for EU citizens easier. On that account, this year's focus of interest lies on civil rights and organisations such as the EYCA (European Year of Citizen Alliance) are zealously making an effort to convey the meaning of being an European citizen to the population. One of the EYCA's aims is to make people aware of the many ways they can benefit from the EU. The organisation also wants to put forward several new law proposals for the citizens’ interest. To sum up, the EU citizens are truly at the heart of this year's concern. 

Feedback from teachers

• First sentence suggests that 2013 was the only year which was given a name
• Replace "the reason behind this title" with "The reason why this theme was chosen"
• It takes very long to get to my point --> delete the introduction of the Euro f.e.
• "This (particular) treaty --> don't repeat yourself!
• use "term" instead of "affairs"; following word order is incorrect
• I suggest replace "easier" with "facilitate"
• Replace the underlined "on that account"
• "focus of interest" --> Leave it to "focus"
• write the whole name of the organisation and the abbrevation in paranthesis
• "zealously making an effort" --> no Coll. 
• Replace "the meaning of being a.." with "what it means to be"
• "for the citizens' interest" --> use "to benefit the citizens"
• Conclusion sentence is not strong!

Second Final Version

Each year bears a relevant meaning in connection to the EU and this particular year was given the name “The European Year of Citizen”. As the title suggests, this year is significant for the citizens of the European member countries. The reason why this theme was chosen is first and foremost the 20^th anniversary of the European community as it was established through the Maastricht Treaty. In honor of this treaty, which facilitated traveling, living abroad and a great deal of other terms for EU citizens, this year's focus lies on civil rights and organisations such as the European Year of Citizen Alliance (EYCA) are making an effort to convey what it means to be an European citizen to the population. One of the EYCA's aims is to make people aware of the many ways they can take advantages of the EU. The organisation also wants to put forward several new law proposals to benefit the citizens. To sum up, it is not without reasons that the EU has given 2013 a special meaning as it affects everyone who resides within the borders of the EU.